ONE AND I'M NEVER DONE!

In the 4 years I have been sober I have been asked by many people, “so you can’t just like have one drink?” The answer is a simple and hard NO!! I have often thought this to myself, can I just drink one?? I can’t. I have tried every way to “control my drinking” no shots, don’t mix booze and beer, only have 2 drinks a night, make sure you eat dinner, no white wine, don’t drink margarita’s, no martinis and the list goes on and on my friends. I tried to control my alcohol consumption and it has always lead me back to the same place. Doom and gloom!! It may had been good for 1-6 weeks but it was bound to go back to the dark hole of one of my fuck ups that drinking lead me to every time.
My mind doesn’t have an off switch like some people do when it comes to drinking. I want to keep going and going, like that little energizer bunny. I would say 95% of my drinking always led into black outs because I didn’t know how to stop nor did I want to. I loved getting fucked up, LOVED IT! Once I had that one drink in me.. I could feel the switch turn on and there was no turning back. Hold on to your chairs because Cornado was coming out! Cornado was a real asshole. More on that pig another day. I know I am an alcoholic and I’m ok with it. I have come to terms and accepted this is a part of me. Whether its my chemical make up, genes, a learned behavior, or the relationship I developed with alcohol. I know I’m just not a person who can drink or should because one is never enough.. Bottom line, period, exclamation point, end of story!!

Always,

CMA