Motivation or Mindset?

 I have often been asked and the last 4 years from people, "how do you stay motivated with your sobriety?" The answer is easy, I don't want to die!! TRUTH. It may seem a little dramatic to some but its all TRUE. That's how I look at what would happen to me if I went back to drinking. If I were to relapse it woIuld end in death, maybe not that day but I would down the road. That is where my life was going for many years before I said, "I'm done!" You have to understand something about addict's, we don't know how to stop. When I go out in life it's going to be like Rose in the Titanic all warm and cozy in her bed dreaming of DiCaprio. The sauce will not take me out, NO THANK YOU! Over doses or people drinking themselves to death happen daily just not many talk about it. I know that one sip of something would put be back down that rabbit hole of awfulness...is that a word?? The hole of despair, shame, loneliness, desperation and death.

Since becoming sober there is something I have done and that is waking up every day, recite in my head what I'm a grateful for and then say it again. In this morning reflection, my sobriety is always included because without it, I would not be where I am at today. I wouldn't be married, running my own business, have the relationships I do with friends and family in my life or even writing this blog. On Sundays I also take some time of reflection to remember my days in my active addiction and all the shitty things I have done to others and most of all myself. When you sit in reflection and remember all the god awful things you did, do you want to go back there??? F to the NOOOOOOOOOO!!! I mean what is so fun about waking up in jail or the hospital and not knowing how you got there?? This has happened to me numerous times and not my finest moments in life. Now a days my finest moments in life are living in the gratitude of sobriety and just being in life.

I totally understand how hard the fight is and still have to fight urges present day but we have choices and we must remember that. In those urges I have to change my mindset around and think of my old life. If you want your life to change, you have the power in you to change it you just have to start and GO. You fall off, pick yourself up dust those boots or wedges off and start again. But learn from your falls and reflect on them. Any person in recovery will tell you that the journey isn't easy, you have to put in the work. Whether that be AA, NA, Therapy, journaling, some online groups or my personal favorite self help books! You must do the work and yes some of it is hard to get thru but once you do it feels pretty good and it so freeing. For me it's going to be a lifetime or work and I'm totally cool putting that work in because I'm not looking backwards. I will never forget the day I had to make some mends with some important people in my life, I cried(like ugly cry, hard to get the words out type of cry) while telling them how sorry I was for missing some of their important life events. Type of moments you don't get a redo at. It was hard cause I had to except what I did and own it and guess what? They excepted my apology and we have better relationships now then we ever did when I was drinking. After that day the heavy burden I carried around for so many years was gone. It was liberating.

It's going to take work, dedication and some days your going to have to fight the good fight to get thru it but it gets easier!! For the days or even hours your addiction is talking to you cause it does. Sounds crazy, right?? BUT it's true!! Always remember the life you had up until your rock bottom and then remember it again. Really, really REMEMBER that feeling of where you once were. I look at my decade long stent of drinking as the pits. Yes, did I have some amazing fun times having drinks, of course but they were few and far between. I guess you can say my MINDSET is the one that keeps me motivated in my sobriety!

Always,
CMA