Are They Just Your “Partner in Wine?”

Codependency and substance abuse are two words often used in the same conversation. When two people are participating in toxic behavior together, it’s difficult for either of them to experience successful, long-term recovery.

Women often ask me how to tell a romantic partner they want to be sober. 

My answer is usually pretty simple! If they love and support you, it shouldn’t be a problem. 

When clients tell me their spouse “disagrees” with their sobriety, it’s usually because their spouse wants to continue their own unhealthy drinking behavior. 

I want you to find your own happiness. To find empowered sobriety, you need space to grow and heal. You need space of your own. 

Let’s talk about how you can do that!

What is a Codependent Relationship? 

Codependency involves an excessive, all-consuming dependence on a relationship. You feel like you couldn’t survive on your own or like you need this person to carry on. Believe me; your brain can do an excellent job of convincing you this is true. 

You can still love someone while having your own identity, goals, and experiences!

How Does a Codependent Relationship Impact Recovery?

Have you ever heard the phrase “misery loves company?” 

When substance abuse exists in a codependent relationship, it’s challenging for the other to remain sober if one person caves. Being hyper-connected to someone definitely has its ups and downs. But you must separate your sober journey from someone else’s. 

It’s possible that later on down the line, you’d be able to help someone else in early sobriety. 

But initially, you want that journey to be just yours. 

What Are The Signs You’re in a Codependent Relationship?

• A lack of “sense of self” outside the relationship. 
• Overwhelming anxiety or insecurity.
• Fear of abandonment.
• Trouble expressing your feelings and emotions.
• Inability to make decisions independently.
• You are loyal to a fault.
• Problems with setting boundaries.
• Suppressing thoughts of fear and guilt.

How Can Someone Find Independence from a Codependent Relationship?

First, I always want to encourage you to research your own based on what you’re experiencing. Second, therapy is one of the best tools out there. Don’t be afraid or ashamed of seeking professional help. 

To find independence, you’ll need to stop putting the needs of others before your own. Start listening to your intuition; it will always guide you where you need to go. Each of us has that voice inside our head telling us right from wrong. If you ignore it for too long, it’s not as loud. This means it might feel uncomfortable or even selfish at first. Know that prioritizing your well-being could never be selfish. 

If you need to connect with women who are also sober, check out my affordable group coaching membership called Sober Focus! It’s built to set you up for success in long-term sobriety. We hold workshops every month. Focused on fun, we get through the bad days together! Get all the details here and sign up for less than $10 per month.

I also recommend grabbing “Codependency No More” by Melody Beattie. It’s a great, straightforward guide for anyone!